Thu 23 Feb 2006
I am surrounded by words. Words dropping one by one from clouds that have slipped through the summer sky, droplets resting on leaves to Beethoven’s Piano Concerto Number Five. Subtle at first then into a downpour until I am immersed. Thunderous words. Words cover my body, they soak into the crevices, sketching my silhouette.
During the day, I cohabit with words. They share my desk space, they stare at me from my computer screen. And on my way to and from, here to there, the words they accompany me. But at night, after my attempt to trick the words, fool them, placing them in my stereo, inside my television, between the pages of a book, or in the mouths of my friends, they have their revenge. They slip into my bed, and the flood tides resume. They leak into my sheets, coveting the autonomy of my solitary bedtime, like mosquitos to a summer stroll. But, as in the times of Noah, the words spare only the continents’ faces among its seas and oceans. I am inundated by words, engulfing me like the absence of my beloved.
When I breath, the gargling of the words emerges, overpowering any other mode of thought as if they were the that than which no greater means of cognition could be conceived. I am a slave to them. They liberate and alienate. They permit me to be with others, and have the heart to talk to me when I am all alone. But be careful, for they are a pestilence that follow me home like a line of ants towards carelessness. These marching soldiers trail behind me until dawn like the scent of love on the morning after.
And to make matters worse, I live in some other language’s homeland. I am subordinated to her words. In public, forced to play by her rules, I must set aside my demons and friends to speak and receive her waters. And I have been triumphant. I can walk her streets and look into her eyes. There is a glory in communication. Being multilingual is like being a bodhisattva. Having achieved liberation, the bodhisattva remains in this world to communicate with its populace. For I live in three separate worlds: the world of my native language, her world, and a third sphere – a special place of confusion, babbling and gibberish where the languages crossbreed like brackish water in an estuary.

May 7th, 2006 at 10:44 am
[…] Thus, I wonder whether insomnia may at times be the result of a fear of confronting oneself with the subconsious. Sometimes our desire to sleep is to escape from the daily stress. It is like putting on loud music to overpower our thoughts. Sometimes maybe, like in Borge’s Circular Ruins, we flee to the subconsious world because that is where we are the most creative and lively. But, sometimes maybe sleeping is actually like the most gentle of sounds, Chopin’s Nocturns or Beethoven’s Piano Concerto #5, and we are so afraid of our thoughts that we do every thing we can to stay awake. […]
August 16th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
[…] My sixth year annivesrary in this city is just around the corner. I recall the horrible jet lag of that first arrival, probably the worst I can remember. It was like sea sickness, a dizzying nausea of being rocked back and forth between a new life and a former one. Now, after only being home for seven days, it will take at least two weeks to readjust to an adopted culture, language, and city (regardless of the length of time I have being living here and my fluency in the language, see Words). Of course, I am here on my own volition and continue to choose to be here. As a matter of fact, some day (and that day may never come), I may collect all of the books in my Spanish book shelf, pack them up in boxes to voyage home. And I am sure that the jet lag across the world’s rim will be all consuming. […]